Taking A Time Out

By Carlene Lehmann, LMFT The acronym HALTS is very useful to help us recognize when when we aren't at our best physically, mentally, and emotionally. HALTS stands for hungry, angry, lonely, tired, and stressed. When we are feeling these ways we are more likely to react and get defensive. It is not the best time to try to talk about a challenging issue with our loved one. It is also important to notice if any of these feelings come up during an interaction. When we notice that we aren't resourced…

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Loving Firmness in Your Relationships for Couples and Parents

By Carlene Lehmann, LMFT I first heard of the term "Loving Firmness" from Terry Real, psychotherapist and creator of Relational Life Therapy. It is bringing kindness and firmness together. It helps us to be assertive without being aggressive. How can we develop loving firmness? It is where you cherish your partner or child, yourself, and your relationship in equal measure. You are able to speak up and have your voice heard without having to be harsh. Instead of criticism and contempt, you treat your partner or child with the same…

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I’m a Burned Out Pursuer

What happens when a pursuer in a relationship just gets tired and burned out and stops pursuing? Join sex therapist Dr. Laurie Watson and couples therapist George Faller as they talk about dealing with burn out in a relationship. Listen Here

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When Two Withdrawers Relate

When two withdrawers are in a relationship, certain patterns recur. Understanding the motivations of each of the withdrawers can open up better conversation and connection. Avoidance of negative emotion can build walls that shut the good emotions as well. Join sex therapist and author Laurie Watson and couples therapist George Faller as they talk about withdrawers in relationship. Listen Here

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Understanding Your Emotional Pursuer

Pursuers: "What's it like when you want more and you can't get it? What's it like to work so hard and see your partner walking away from you?" We know it feels unfair and want to help you see how your push might be driving your partner away! Get vulnerable for your own sake. Sex therapist and author Laurie Watson, together with expert, couples therapist and author George Faller delve into the world of the Emotional Pursuer to help you resolve your relationship conflicts with smart moves. Listen to the…

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How to Understand Your Emotional Withdrawer

Do you have a partner that pulls away when conversations get intense? Are you the partner that needs to pull away to take a breather? Learn why your withdrawing partner feels they are keeping you safer by shutting down. Understand what is good and useful about withdrawing behavior. Hear George walk Laurie through a better way to help her husband feel safe about opening up in a personal example. Sex therapist and author Laurie Watson, together with expert, couples therapist and author George Faller delve into the world of the…

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Emotional Laws are the Answer for Better Relationships

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gTZgfyOW-DAInterpersonal relationships represent probably one of the most complicated ideas that have troubled the human mind. Whether it's aristocracy, models, professional athletes or every day couples they all face the same difficulty of making their relationships work. Diana Wais talks about how "we are all the same" and how we respond with criticism when we feel threatened by words. However, it is important to "respond to the other person's need with empathy", she said. It is difficult to understand when you are being emotional and when irrational. Her most valid…

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4 Communication Styles to Watch Out For and Their Remedies

John Gottman, renowned relationship expert and researcher, discovered four communication styles, that when left unresolved can lead to a relationship breakdown and has 93 percent accuracy in predicting divorce. These four styles, also known as the four horsemen, are criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling. It is important to understand each type and be able to recognize when you are engaging in it. The good news is there are remedies for each of these styles. You can learn new ways of expressing yourself that will build up your relationship instead of…

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Practical, Science-Based Steps to Heal from an Affair

Many years ago, in the Clinton era, I was asked to do an interview on whether Hillary and Bill would make it through Bill’s affair. Responding psychologically rather than politically, my answer was to say, “If couples didn’t make it through affairs, the divorce rate would be even higher than it is now.” Working through an affair is tough. It takes tremendous energy and vulnerability on both sides. Drs. John and Julie Gottman have developed the Trust Revival Method, with three defined stages of treatment: Atonement, Attunement, and Attachment. The effectiveness…

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