A.R.E. You There? Qualities for a Strong Relationship

By Ondina N. Hatvany, MFT What is the secret ingredient that makes a relationship thrive? Dr. Sue Johnson, who founded EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy), the most researched couples therapy model (1), has studied this question extensively. She has been able to distill the answer to this key question down to its bare essentials: What truly makes a relationship thrive and provides the key to long-lasting love is emotional responsiveness. What emotional responsiveness is and how it works is outlined by the acronym A.R.E. (Note: The principles of A.R.E. can also be applied with equal…

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Taking A Time Out

By Carlene Lehmann, LMFT The acronym HALTS is very useful to help us recognize when when we aren't at our best physically, mentally, and emotionally. HALTS stands for hungry, angry, lonely, tired, and stressed. When we are feeling these ways we are more likely to react and get defensive. It is not the best time to try to talk about a challenging issue with our loved one. It is also important to notice if any of these feelings come up during an interaction. When we notice that we aren't resourced…

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How to ATTUNE In Your Relationship

“They don’t listen to me.” This is one of the most common complaints of some of my couple clients. The good news is there is a way to overcome this struggle. One of the best strategies for learning to listen well in our marriage has come from Dr. John Gottman. He refers to the practice as ATTUNEMENT. The process is not rocket science, but its impact is powerful. Just as it takes a few regular adjustments to tune your favorite radio station in while on a car ride, listening well…

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I’m a Burned Out Pursuer

What happens when a pursuer in a relationship just gets tired and burned out and stops pursuing? Join sex therapist Dr. Laurie Watson and couples therapist George Faller as they talk about dealing with burn out in a relationship. Listen Here

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Men Are Surprisingly Touchy-Feely When It Comes to Sex

It's widely believed that men are pretty much always in the mood for sex. Men's desire to get it on isn't seen as having much—if anything—to do with their relationships or life circumstances. Unlike women, it's assumed that guys are just constantly horny. However, a new study published in the Journal of Sex Research suggests that this stereotype about male sexuality is completely wrong and that men's sexual desire is much more complex than they've been given credit for. In fact, it actually has a lot to do with the emotional connection men have…

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How Couples Sustain a Strong Sexual Connection for a Lifetime

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lon25Nc1Vx8 Emily Nagoski is a professional speaker and trainer, and has spoken both at a TEDx (University of Nevada) and on the TED main stage in Vancouver. Emily’s mission in life is to teach women to live with confidence and joy inside their bodies. She is author of the New York Times best-selling book Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life.

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How Therapy Can Help Couples in Addiction Recovery

Healthy relationships and substance abuse do not mix. In fact, I would argue it is absolutely impossible to have a successful relationship with a partner who is abusing substances. Substance use disorders have a way of causing harm to the entire family, not just the individual using. Couples impacted by substance abuse often experience: Problems with intimacy and sexual function in the relationshipPoor communicationIncreased verbal abuse and physical violence. Substance abuse has been found to co-occur in 40-60% of intimate partner violence incidents across various studies.A parent with a substance…

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Dating: Powerful Tips to Help You Find a Compatible Mate

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6hhVhZcH-Z0 Everyone wants someone to love and spend time with and searching for your ideal partner is a natural and healthy human tendency. Just about everyone dates at some point, yet few really understand what they’re doing or how to get the best results. Dr. Stan Tatkin, author of Wired for Dating, offers powerful tips based in neuroscience and attachment theory to help you find a compatible mate and go on to create a fabulous relationship. Dr. Tatkin is a clinician, researcher, teacher, and developer of a psychobiological approach to…

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Relationship Repair: Making Amends versus an Apology

by Carlene Lehmann, M.A., LMFT We are human and will make mistakes even when we are working hard not to. The good news is that we can make repairs in these situations. All is not lost. Knowing what to do to will help us feel more empowered and capable of repairing in the times we negatively affect someone else. When we make a mistake or cause someone to hurt, it can be hard to know how to handle it. It can leave us feeling paralyzed, shame, or fear. We may…

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