Learn your Partner’s Love Language
Staying connected to your partner may seem a relatively easy task, or at times, it may seem more challenging. Perhaps you and your partner are experiencing more disagreement lately, or you simply feel a huge disconnect in your individual wants and needs? Focusing on others and their needs is pivotal to a healthy and successful marriage, yet so often we are uncertain how to fully focus on the other and offer them what they need to feel loved.
Understanding your Partner’s Love Language is Crucial to a Healthy and Thriving Relationship
Dr. Gary Chapman is the author is a top selling relationship book, The Five Love Languages. In his book, Dr. Chapman details the essentials to a successful relationship, placing the love languages at the forefront, where understanding your own love language and that of your partner is crucial to a healthy and thriving relationship.
Find out what your love language is- take the Love Language Quiz here!
The 5 Love Languages- What are yours and your partner’s?
Acts of Service
Acts of Service involves doing things for the other person, such as cooking dinner, washing dishes, or even taking out the trash. The intention behind the action is key for this love language, as begrudgingly partaking in daily living necessities is not a demonstration of love, nor is it felt as love by the other. However, intentionally and happily choosing do a chore to offer a break to your partner adds an additional layer of love to the action by demonstrating that you are aware of the service they do for you and the home and that you are thinking of them, considering their feelings and needs, and willingly sacrificing a part of self and time to show love to them.
Words of Affirmation
Positive words, compliments, and praise are essential to those who align with this love language. Praising your partner for the hard work they put into the home decorating, telling your partner you find them attraction, or even a simple “I love you,” will help foster a loving and intimate relationship with your partner.
Spending time together is essential to a healthy relationship. This time spent must also be done with intention, by choosing to spend time with your partner and actively engaging with them during that quality time. Focusing solely on your partner, before other events or activities, and without other distractions, helps emphasize them as a priority and a want in your life.
Gift giving isn’t simply offering a gift to another person. The more gifts offered does not always translate into more love. Instead, gift giving is truly about the thought behind the gift, which demonstrates that you are in tune with the other person and thinking of them enough to find them a gift that they would enjoy. Furthermore, gift giving isn’t always extravagant. Sometimes gift giving can be small acts of love that simply show you are thinking of them.
Physical touch isn’t always physical intimacy. It can lead to that, yet does not necessitate that. Sometimes, and actually more often, physical touch is a small gesture of affection, such a holding hands, a hug, or a kiss on the cheek. Physical touch should be intentionally in nature, choosing to offer the affection when the other is open to it.
Communicate love in the way your partner needs it.
Applying this information to your relationship should begin with an assessment of self and personal love languages, but more important than understanding your own love language is that of understanding your partner’s. Asking for your partner to show love in the way you feel loved will undoubtedly help the relationship, but reciprocity is also essential in relationships, so care must be taken to show love toward your partner in his or her love language.
Help your partner feel appreciated and wanted. Ask for love in the way you best receive it too!
Without communicating love to one and another in a way that each of you feels loved, your partner may feel unappreciated and unwanted in the relationship. This miscommunication can lead to relationship disagreements, potentially causing anger and discontent among one or both parties.
If you and your partner are currently at odds, perhaps taking time to talk about your love languages will help. Communicate how you personally feel loved, and ask the other person how you can best show love to them.
Carlene Lehmann, M.A., LMFT is a Marriage and Family Therapist at Relationships Matter Austin in Austin, Texas. Carlene is an experienced couples counselor who can help you overcome frustration and disconnection and bring you closer to feeling loved and secure in your relationship. To schedule your appointment with Carlene, you can reach her at (512) 994-0432 or request an appointment with her on the Relationships Matter Austin Scheduling Page to set your first appointment.