How Emotionally Connected (Secure) Are You In Your Relationship?


What is the secret ingredient that makes a relationship thrive?

Dr. Sue Johnson, who founded EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy), the most researched couples therapy model, has studied this question extensively.  EFT has a huge success rate. EFT works for 75% of couples! At Relationships Matter Austin, we use EFT in our work with couples. We also hold Hold Me Tight® Retreats a couple of times a year, where couples can receive intensive training  and learn to reconnect.


She has been able to distill the answer to this key question down to its bare essentials: What truly makes a relationship thrive and provides the key to long-lasting love is emotional responsiveness.


This questionnaire comes from Dr. Sue Johnson’s book Hold Me Tight (2008). It
looks at how Accessible, Responsive and Engaged you are with each other. These
are the key qualities in a relationship that create connection and feeling bonded.


This quiz has 15 short true/false questions. Examine the following statements and indicate whether you feel they are true or false about your partner. In order to receive the most accurate results, please answer each question as honestly as possible.


I recommend taking this questionnaire twice. First, answer the questions about your partner, about how Accessible, Responsive, and Engaged your partner is with you. Second, answer the questions a second time, but this time, answer the questions about yourself.  Answer the questions again, this time focusing on how Accessible, Responsive, and Engaged you are with your partner.


If your answers show that you and your partner are completely accessible, responsive, and engaged, that would be impressive. Most people find that that is not the case. If you have areas for improvement, come to one of our Hold Me Tight Marriage Retreats or come in for EFT couples counseling. Successful marriage takes work, and we can help you strengthen your marriage.


Fill out your first name and email address to get a copy of your quiz results emailed to you.

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From your viewpoint, is your partner accessible to you? (For questions, #1-5)

1. I can get my partner’s attention easily.
2. My partner shows me that I come first with him/her.
3. My partner is easy to connect with emotionally.
4. I am not feeling lonely or shut out in this relationship.
5. I can share my deepest feelings with my partner. He/she will listen.

From your viewpoint, is your partner responsive to you? (For questions, #6-10)

6. If I need connection and comfort, he/she is there for me.
7. My partner responds to signals that I need him/her to come close.
8. I find I can lean on my partner when I am anxious or unsure.
9. Even when we fight or disagree, I know that I am important to my
partner and we will find a way to come together.
10. If I need reassurance about how important I am to my partner, I can get

Are you positively emotionally engaged with each other? (For questions, #11-15)

11. I can confide in my partner about almost anything.
12. I feel very comfortable being close to, trusting my partner.
13. I feel confident, even when we are apart, that we are connected to each
14. I know my partner cares about my joys, hurts, and fears.
15. I feel safe enough to take emotional risks with my partner.