What is your Attachment Style?

From early on in life, we develop an attachment to our primary caregivers that tends to remain constant. This attachment style has a profound effect not only on our emotional development, but also upon the health of our relationships. Find out what your style is and how it affects your relationships by taking this quiz.

When completing this questionnaire, please focus on one significant relationship – ideally a current or past partner as the focus here is on adult relationships. This does not necessarily need to be a romantic relationship but must be the individual with whom you feel the most connection. Who is your primary “go to” person if you’re sick, in trouble, want to celebrate, call with news, etc.

The attachment style quiz has 30 short multiple choice questions. Examine the following statements and indicate to what degree they are true of you. In order to receive the most accurate results, please answer each question as honestly as possible.

Fill out your first name and email address to get a copy of your quiz results emailed to you.

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When I give more than I get, I often resent this and harbor a grudge. It is often difficult to receive love from my partner when they express it.

1 out of 30

Over-focusing on others, I tend to lose myself in relationships.

2 out of 30

Sometimes, I over-function, over-adapt, over-accommodate others, or over-apologize for things I didn’t do, in an attempt to stabilize connection.

3 out of 30

If my partner and I hit a glitch, it is relatively easy for me to apologize, brainstorm a win-win solution, or repair the misattunement or disharmony.

4 out of 30

I find myself minimizing the importance of close relationships in my life.

5 out of 30

People are essentially good at heart.

6 out of 30

I attempt to discover and meet the needs of my partner whenever possible and I feel comfortable expressing my own needs.

7 out of 30

I want to be close with my partner but feel angry at my partner at the same time. After anxiously awaiting my partner's arrival, I end up picking fights.

8 out of 30

I am comfortable being affectionate with my partner.

9 out of 30

When I lose a relationship, at first I might experience separation elation and then become depressed.

10 out of 30

I sometimes feel superior in not needing others and wish others were more self-sufficient.

11 out of 30

I often tend to “merge” or lose myself in my partner and feel what they feel, or want what they want.

12 out of 30

I actively protect my partner from others and from harm and attempt to maintain safety in our relationship.

13 out of 30

I look at my partner with kindness and caring and look forward to our time together.

14 out of 30

At the same time as I feel a deep wish to be close to my partner, I also have a paralyzing fear of losing the relationship.

15 out of 30

It is a priority to keep agreements with my partner.

16 out of 30

I insist on self-reliance; I have difficulty reaching out when I need help, and I do many of life’s tasks or my hobbies, alone.

17 out of 30

I usually prefer relationships with things or animals instead of people.

18 out of 30

It is difficult for me to be alone. If alone, I feel stressed, abandoned, hurt, and/or angry.

19 out of 30

I am always yearning for something or someone that I feel I cannot have and rarely feeling satisfied.

20 out of 30

I feel like my partner is always there but would often prefer to have my own space unless I invite the connection.

21 out of 30

I often find eye contact uncomfortable and particularly difficult to maintain.

22 out of 30

Sometimes I prefer casual sex instead of a committed relationship.

23 out of 30

I feel relaxed with my partner most of the time.

24 out of 30

I can keep secrets, protect my partner’s privacy, and respect boundaries.

25 out of 30

I chronically second-guess myself and sometimes wish I had said something differently.

26 out of 30

When my partner arrives home or approaches me, I feel inexplicably stressed –especially when he or she wants to connect.

27 out of 30

I find it easy to flow between being close and connected with my partner to being on my own.

28 out of 30

It is easier for me to think things through than to express myself emotionally.

29 out of 30

It is difficult for me to say NO or to set realistic boundaries.

30 out of 30